Why I failed my English exam…
Let's face it. English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French Fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which are not sweet, are meat. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradox, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor it is a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can slim chance and a fat chance be the same thing, while a wise man and a wise guy are total opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day, and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going down. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up this essay, I end it? Now I know why I flunked my English exam. It's not my fault but the silly language doesn’t quite know whether it's coming or going.